Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Turning a Cold Approach into a Warm Approach
Alright so I'm still dedicating my challenges to opening until I have it DOWN. I'm already good in the club and bar scene so this is more for day game/college campus. Again what I accidently found out is how great opening direct is, and for day game it's what I'll always use, but with the college campus I have to keep in mind the idea of social circle game...and I don't want to be labeled the creepy pick up guy on campus. So with that said it's all about making functional and situational openers work here!
Now I've heard of guys talking about "forcing IOIs" and I've always done this to an extent. For example if I see a girl has her arms crossed I might uncross them for her, but I want to take this idea for opening as well. So how do I do it? By establishing EC, flashing a warm smile, and then having her reciprocate that smile. Once she mirrors me and smiles, which is the natural reaction for most people, she HAS to be nice to me because she already smiled. The mind follows the body type deal. By doing that I effectively turn every cold approach into a warm approach.
The hardest part about all this is establishing the EC though, girls of extreme beauty (or who think they're high value) go out of their way to avoid EC. It's tricky but still doable.
For this challenge I approached 10 women with the aim of forcing the IOI and making it a warm approach. The result? They were friendly EVERY time. However with my crappy luck each set I opened had a legitimate time constraint. On the way to class, walking into the elevator while I was walking out, interrupts from friends before I could demonstrate enough value and personality ect ect. However they DID open nicely which was the point. Also one of the girls was a seated set which I did number close and make plans with for this saturday, was also a cute blonde which for me is the holy grail down here in latina Miami.
Since doing this I'm noticing my opening skills getting sharper and easier, still adjusting to the whole "college game" idea though. Along with day game, which I've had some experience but never mastered like club game.
I'm going to still do some more challenges for myself on opening to come, until I feel truly confident that I can open any girl, anywhere, without fail or hesitation. Getting her to smile though BEFORE you open is definately money, and if she wont make EC...well you can still always do an old fashioned cold approach. ;)
Now I've heard of guys talking about "forcing IOIs" and I've always done this to an extent. For example if I see a girl has her arms crossed I might uncross them for her, but I want to take this idea for opening as well. So how do I do it? By establishing EC, flashing a warm smile, and then having her reciprocate that smile. Once she mirrors me and smiles, which is the natural reaction for most people, she HAS to be nice to me because she already smiled. The mind follows the body type deal. By doing that I effectively turn every cold approach into a warm approach.
The hardest part about all this is establishing the EC though, girls of extreme beauty (or who think they're high value) go out of their way to avoid EC. It's tricky but still doable.
For this challenge I approached 10 women with the aim of forcing the IOI and making it a warm approach. The result? They were friendly EVERY time. However with my crappy luck each set I opened had a legitimate time constraint. On the way to class, walking into the elevator while I was walking out, interrupts from friends before I could demonstrate enough value and personality ect ect. However they DID open nicely which was the point. Also one of the girls was a seated set which I did number close and make plans with for this saturday, was also a cute blonde which for me is the holy grail down here in latina Miami.
Since doing this I'm noticing my opening skills getting sharper and easier, still adjusting to the whole "college game" idea though. Along with day game, which I've had some experience but never mastered like club game.
I'm going to still do some more challenges for myself on opening to come, until I feel truly confident that I can open any girl, anywhere, without fail or hesitation. Getting her to smile though BEFORE you open is definately money, and if she wont make EC...well you can still always do an old fashioned cold approach. ;)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Functional?
I was very happy with my findings on direct approaching during the day so I decided to test out the opposite and go functional. Now the thing with functional openers is they will work great every time but are hard as hell to transition with. With this in mind I decided to try out a technique I learned where you give a qualification statement in the hopes of force framing the girl to act a certain way.
The opener would go like this...
"Hey I only have a sec but do you know where X is?...(she answers) thank you, you know you're actually really friendly you must not be from this city!"
After that I could give value or take it however. The challenge? Do 20 sets with this. All my sets were during the day and every one was on my college campus.
I hate to say this but I found it didn't work well for me. The functional opener worked fine but as soon as I gave the qualification statement the interaction immediately felt forced. This wasn't true in ALL cases, and sometimes it worked and got a smile but not nearly enough. I played around with energy levels and tonality but was strict in keeping the same wording, even with the changes the usual response was an awkward "oh..uh...thanks"
However I did discover one INCREDIBLE functional opener that always seems to work and that's asking a girl for a cigarette...unfortunately I don't smoke lol.
I'm still a fan of just going in direct during the day...the only thing is that with direct it's 50/50. She either gets weirded out or else it's on like donkey kong, so might not be the most SOLID way but so far the most preferable.
As for going in functional?...well I haven't given up on it I suppose since it does open well but transitioning with a qualification statement didn't seem to work for me, even though I've seen it work for others. It could have very well been something to do with my delivery, but unless someone watches me, who does that well, I can't know.
The opener would go like this...
"Hey I only have a sec but do you know where X is?...(she answers) thank you, you know you're actually really friendly you must not be from this city!"
After that I could give value or take it however. The challenge? Do 20 sets with this. All my sets were during the day and every one was on my college campus.
I hate to say this but I found it didn't work well for me. The functional opener worked fine but as soon as I gave the qualification statement the interaction immediately felt forced. This wasn't true in ALL cases, and sometimes it worked and got a smile but not nearly enough. I played around with energy levels and tonality but was strict in keeping the same wording, even with the changes the usual response was an awkward "oh..uh...thanks"
However I did discover one INCREDIBLE functional opener that always seems to work and that's asking a girl for a cigarette...unfortunately I don't smoke lol.
I'm still a fan of just going in direct during the day...the only thing is that with direct it's 50/50. She either gets weirded out or else it's on like donkey kong, so might not be the most SOLID way but so far the most preferable.
As for going in functional?...well I haven't given up on it I suppose since it does open well but transitioning with a qualification statement didn't seem to work for me, even though I've seen it work for others. It could have very well been something to do with my delivery, but unless someone watches me, who does that well, I can't know.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Give Value
While I proved to myself that I have the balls and confidence to master the approach there's another aspect that needs to be added. Basically that with every approach I should be giving value as opposed to taking it. What I decided to do was go out and observe 5 situations where I could give value and do nothing and then observe 5 situations where I could give value and act upon it.
The idea is that it'll help train my mind to more easily recognize situations where I could give value and then once recognized help train myself to be someone who acts on it.
When I decided to do this task it seemed pretty simple and easy at first but I realized how hard it was to truly find a situation that I could give value to. I was like superman scouting the city but not finding any crime. However as I went about my day I did begin seeing things, even if they were pretty small, and then acted upon it. Ideally I'd like to take this to a larger scale but since I made the challenge for two days I used what I saw. Here's what happened.
The first thing I saw was a girl in a wheel chair struggling to get out of the row. I told myself that I'm just supposed to observe at first so did nothing, however she also got stuck trying to get out the door so I said "screw this" and helped her out. 1 observed, 1 demonstrated. The rest went as follows.
The four other times I observed opportunities to give value were...
1. A girl dropped her books in front of me which I didn't respond to
2. I noticed someone was walking around looking lost and realized I could give him directions
3. A guy was sitting around and seemed bored and I could have invited him to an event going on
4. A girl was struggling to carry some stuff for her dorm room and I could have offered to help
The four other times I acted on giving value were...
1. I helped a friend out with a sticking point he had in his game
2. I offered my last piece of gum to a guy standing next to me in line
3. I paid for my boys dinner while we were out last night
4. I met a local band and complimented on one of their songs and let them know I'd help out getting them noticed through some contacts I have
I also gave value many other times though to such as holding doors open, giving directions, and complimenting the girl who did my hair to her boss.
Overall I think this excercise was worth doing but it's definately something that needs to be taken to a deeper level and something that builds on itself. This is one challenge that needs to never truly stop.
The idea is that it'll help train my mind to more easily recognize situations where I could give value and then once recognized help train myself to be someone who acts on it.
When I decided to do this task it seemed pretty simple and easy at first but I realized how hard it was to truly find a situation that I could give value to. I was like superman scouting the city but not finding any crime. However as I went about my day I did begin seeing things, even if they were pretty small, and then acted upon it. Ideally I'd like to take this to a larger scale but since I made the challenge for two days I used what I saw. Here's what happened.
The first thing I saw was a girl in a wheel chair struggling to get out of the row. I told myself that I'm just supposed to observe at first so did nothing, however she also got stuck trying to get out the door so I said "screw this" and helped her out. 1 observed, 1 demonstrated. The rest went as follows.
The four other times I observed opportunities to give value were...
1. A girl dropped her books in front of me which I didn't respond to
2. I noticed someone was walking around looking lost and realized I could give him directions
3. A guy was sitting around and seemed bored and I could have invited him to an event going on
4. A girl was struggling to carry some stuff for her dorm room and I could have offered to help
The four other times I acted on giving value were...
1. I helped a friend out with a sticking point he had in his game
2. I offered my last piece of gum to a guy standing next to me in line
3. I paid for my boys dinner while we were out last night
4. I met a local band and complimented on one of their songs and let them know I'd help out getting them noticed through some contacts I have
I also gave value many other times though to such as holding doors open, giving directions, and complimenting the girl who did my hair to her boss.
Overall I think this excercise was worth doing but it's definately something that needs to be taken to a deeper level and something that builds on itself. This is one challenge that needs to never truly stop.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Direct Confidence
Ok guys the first thing I noticed about all of game is that it all starts with how you feel on the inside. The key thing here being CONFIDENCE!
So what was the very first challenge for myself to become a true MPUA? 10 sets, during the day, on my college campus, going fully direct. Nothing short of that would push me to being the confident guy I know I could be.
Many guys advocate doing silly things like opening a set by doing push ups in front of them. This is good for building confidence it's true however you're able to hide behind the social mask of doing something silly. With direct opening you go in sincere and putting it all on the line....to me this is much scarier.
Here's what I said verbatim.
"Hey excuse me didn't mean to bother you but I'm kind of in a hurry since I'm late for my class. I just wanted to tell you something otherwise I'd be kicking myself all day. You are absolutely gorgeous and have this interesting look that I don't see here that often. (Introduce myself and get her name). What would be the best way to stay in touch with you?"
Now I went out onto my campus with the exact words written down on a little cheat sheet and I'm not going to lie...I was pretty scared. I was seeing reasons not to approach for every set and making excuses left and right. This was EXACTLY the type of fear that would get in my way if I saw my dream girl and wanted to approach immediately.
However after every set that walked by or that I passed up I became more and more angry with myself. Fear turned into cold resolve, and like a wriggling mass of jello, I walked up to my very first set and delivered the line. What happened?....
She looked scared as hell. The poor girl looked like she wanted to run away and her friend came and saved her. I noticed something though...I had instant state. Every single fear I had before was completely gone, better then that, I felt amazing! I go for set number 2 and again I get that fear response but I push past it and end up getting her facebook and an invite to a concert she does.
From then on every set I open becomes better then the last. I say the exact same line but now from a place of pure happiness and confidence. I go in relaxed and warm as opposed to my old jello ways. Next thing I know I'm having women blushing and giggiling giving me their number, one offers to be my spanish tutor, another asks me if I know any good parties this week.
The point of this challenge wasn't to master direct game, it was to develop confidence. However I seriously like direct game during the day now, it either has them run off and you dont waste your time or else it's instantly on within the first minute!
So final result? 10 sets, 2 nothing, 2 myspace/facebook, 7 phone numbers (one girl gave me her number and myspace)!
Gonna start challenge 2 tomorrow.
So what was the very first challenge for myself to become a true MPUA? 10 sets, during the day, on my college campus, going fully direct. Nothing short of that would push me to being the confident guy I know I could be.
Many guys advocate doing silly things like opening a set by doing push ups in front of them. This is good for building confidence it's true however you're able to hide behind the social mask of doing something silly. With direct opening you go in sincere and putting it all on the line....to me this is much scarier.
Here's what I said verbatim.
"Hey excuse me didn't mean to bother you but I'm kind of in a hurry since I'm late for my class. I just wanted to tell you something otherwise I'd be kicking myself all day. You are absolutely gorgeous and have this interesting look that I don't see here that often. (Introduce myself and get her name). What would be the best way to stay in touch with you?"
Now I went out onto my campus with the exact words written down on a little cheat sheet and I'm not going to lie...I was pretty scared. I was seeing reasons not to approach for every set and making excuses left and right. This was EXACTLY the type of fear that would get in my way if I saw my dream girl and wanted to approach immediately.
However after every set that walked by or that I passed up I became more and more angry with myself. Fear turned into cold resolve, and like a wriggling mass of jello, I walked up to my very first set and delivered the line. What happened?....
She looked scared as hell. The poor girl looked like she wanted to run away and her friend came and saved her. I noticed something though...I had instant state. Every single fear I had before was completely gone, better then that, I felt amazing! I go for set number 2 and again I get that fear response but I push past it and end up getting her facebook and an invite to a concert she does.
From then on every set I open becomes better then the last. I say the exact same line but now from a place of pure happiness and confidence. I go in relaxed and warm as opposed to my old jello ways. Next thing I know I'm having women blushing and giggiling giving me their number, one offers to be my spanish tutor, another asks me if I know any good parties this week.
The point of this challenge wasn't to master direct game, it was to develop confidence. However I seriously like direct game during the day now, it either has them run off and you dont waste your time or else it's instantly on within the first minute!
So final result? 10 sets, 2 nothing, 2 myspace/facebook, 7 phone numbers (one girl gave me her number and myspace)!
Gonna start challenge 2 tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Psych's Progression to Mastery
I've decided if I'm gonna be teaching this stuff I need to really master it and take my game to a new level.
Last night I went out with a lot of community guys and felt really unmotivated, the fire and drive just wasn't there anymore. I realized it's because I've taken to much of a teacher role and not a student role anymore. Both need to be there for me since the student role is my drive and what pushes me to get better.
From now on I'm gonna go out and challenge myself to various things and record my progress here. We'll see where this takes me.
Last night I went out with a lot of community guys and felt really unmotivated, the fire and drive just wasn't there anymore. I realized it's because I've taken to much of a teacher role and not a student role anymore. Both need to be there for me since the student role is my drive and what pushes me to get better.
From now on I'm gonna go out and challenge myself to various things and record my progress here. We'll see where this takes me.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Situational Value
It still astounds me the power that situational value has and how even I can go back and forth between the two spectrums. Some guys claim to have such solid inner game that it doesn't matter to them and there massive internal value will shine through but I've never truly seen this to be the case. What I have noticed is that we influence our enviornment and in turn our enviornment influences us.
Now we DO have complete control of our internal state and can learn things such as being in the moment, being unreactive, staying positive, and having indifference. It's hard but possible. However we only have limited control over our external value since it's largely controlled by five factors, only one of which being our internal state. Situation, social value, momentum theory, social role, and our state/energy.
Each of these five factors have influence on your situational value and there are 4 steps you can take when you're on the negative side of the spectrum so you don't have a horrible night. When you find yourself on the negative side, with low situational value due to some, or all, of the five factors being negative, here's the 4 steps you can take.
1. Use game to quickly turn as many of the negative 5 factors into positive factors.
2. When you can't change enough, or any factors, become unreactive to them until it might change naturally.
3. Leave the situation
4. Accept the situation
With step one recognize and avoid bad situations, gain social proof and preselection for social value, try and start off everything postive so that the momentum is in the right direction or kill negative momentum early, build a high value social role for yourself with people, and keep a fun postive energy. Keeping these things in check is something you should do from the start, however at times it can be outside your control.
What if you're forced in a bad situation? What if you can't build social value for yourself right now? What if your neck deep already in negative momentum and it feels impossible to turn around? What if you're force framed into a certain social role you don't like? Or what if you just feel down and out of state?
Well step two is try and remain unreactive until something changes. You basically tried to influence the enviornment first but that didn't work...now maybe the enviornment will influence itself and things will turn around. If time has gone by and things still aren't going well then it's time to leave. Go check out another club or find a second option for yourself. This is what I've seen the best guys do, they will make sure they are never in a bad situation for themselves and if they are in one they will attempt to change it around by focusing on the five factors. After that they simply leave and make a new and better situation. If you really can't leave for some reason then just accept it and observe. Detatch yourself from it all and accept the night or situation sucks and simply observe it.
On a very broad scale these factors are what game is all about! Knowing how to create social value is the outer game and your state/energy is the inner game. After this it's just about choosing the right situations for yourself (unless pushing your comfort zone which helps you handle different situations), starting off strong and respecting momentum theory, and managing high value social roles (btw your social role is built through time so the more you know someone the more solid your social role becomes).
-Jarett aka Psych
Now we DO have complete control of our internal state and can learn things such as being in the moment, being unreactive, staying positive, and having indifference. It's hard but possible. However we only have limited control over our external value since it's largely controlled by five factors, only one of which being our internal state. Situation, social value, momentum theory, social role, and our state/energy.
Each of these five factors have influence on your situational value and there are 4 steps you can take when you're on the negative side of the spectrum so you don't have a horrible night. When you find yourself on the negative side, with low situational value due to some, or all, of the five factors being negative, here's the 4 steps you can take.
1. Use game to quickly turn as many of the negative 5 factors into positive factors.
2. When you can't change enough, or any factors, become unreactive to them until it might change naturally.
3. Leave the situation
4. Accept the situation
With step one recognize and avoid bad situations, gain social proof and preselection for social value, try and start off everything postive so that the momentum is in the right direction or kill negative momentum early, build a high value social role for yourself with people, and keep a fun postive energy. Keeping these things in check is something you should do from the start, however at times it can be outside your control.
What if you're forced in a bad situation? What if you can't build social value for yourself right now? What if your neck deep already in negative momentum and it feels impossible to turn around? What if you're force framed into a certain social role you don't like? Or what if you just feel down and out of state?
Well step two is try and remain unreactive until something changes. You basically tried to influence the enviornment first but that didn't work...now maybe the enviornment will influence itself and things will turn around. If time has gone by and things still aren't going well then it's time to leave. Go check out another club or find a second option for yourself. This is what I've seen the best guys do, they will make sure they are never in a bad situation for themselves and if they are in one they will attempt to change it around by focusing on the five factors. After that they simply leave and make a new and better situation. If you really can't leave for some reason then just accept it and observe. Detatch yourself from it all and accept the night or situation sucks and simply observe it.
On a very broad scale these factors are what game is all about! Knowing how to create social value is the outer game and your state/energy is the inner game. After this it's just about choosing the right situations for yourself (unless pushing your comfort zone which helps you handle different situations), starting off strong and respecting momentum theory, and managing high value social roles (btw your social role is built through time so the more you know someone the more solid your social role becomes).
-Jarett aka Psych
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